I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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