Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
