Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They have beer where we have blood.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
