I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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