As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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