he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
