the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
