OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
