I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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