Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
