i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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