I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
