ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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