you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
