I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
