their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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