I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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