Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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