So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
