Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
