3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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