he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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