Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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