I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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