I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
