Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
