So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
