Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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