He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize