I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
