I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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