my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
