oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
