He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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