If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
