i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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