walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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