Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
