how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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