Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
