I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
