Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
