A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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