wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
