it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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