At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
