her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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