some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
