Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
