Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
