I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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