Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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