is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So much rum. So many feels.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
