Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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