i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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