she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
