I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
