Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
