He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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