He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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