I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
