Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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