i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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