I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
love makes seman taste better
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
